1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
