He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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