There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
