hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
