People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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