I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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