i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
