the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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