dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
