the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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