I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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