My liver just broke up with me...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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