You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
