I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
