I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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