You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
