her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm at about main and main street
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
