i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
