Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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