biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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