hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
