"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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