The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
birth control should be required to get into college
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
