You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
