I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
