Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
