Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
