can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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