I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
