you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
