Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
