hell yes lets make some ravioli
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
