If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
