90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
the raccoons are back...
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