i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Houston, we have a blender
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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