He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
