I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
