Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Come on in and take your pants off
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