I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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