Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So much rum. So many feels.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
