Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
