I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
