I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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