bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
