Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You are a genius and a whore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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