Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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