You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
