I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
