Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
