the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
