my vag is so smooth its legendary
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
