i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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