Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
